Also, I want to mention that most people feel that such a thing is stupid, to control your feelings. They feel like it would not be human and we are meant to have all kinds of feelings, all the time and it's not under our control, it's just how life is. Well let me tell you that thinking like that IS STUPID! If you have no control on the way you feel, then what are you? What use is that head on your shoulders? Using your head is optional of course...
The second thing I want to mention is that I do agree that life is meant to be lived and some things you just leave alone. I agree that you have to let go and just live sometimes. But I will never agree that it's OK to let bad feelings take control of you (whenever they pop up). It would be a very good skill to know how to avoid such feelings, wouldn't it?
How Feelings Are Born
I wrote about The Autopilot in a previous post. It is responsible for probably more than 90% of what you feel because you're probably more than 90% of the time on autopilot. The autopilot is a blessing when it works the way you want it to work and makes you feel good but it's a curse when it works against your desires and makes you feel bad. You can change the way it works, you can program it any way you want to but what do you do when it makes you do bad things and also makes you feel bad? You're expecting an important call and when that person calls, your phone turns off because you forgot to charge it. You get angry, hit yourself with the phone in the head and start swearing. Your girlfriend / boyfriend starts to nag about something and you feel the frustration growing up. Your internet connection disconnects when you need it most and you get furious. Your wife / husband forgot to do what you nicely asked them and you start complaining how they never listen and don't care. You get the idea...
When I ask people: "Why do you get angry when..." the most common response is "How to not get angry when...". They always have a GOOD reason why they should feel negative about the situation. They explain it in a way that proves that it's impossible to not feel bad. But that is total bullsh*t! Those situations are simply triggers that make you feel a certain way IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO! It's your subconscious running the "Get angry when internet disconnects" program. It is simply that and nothing more. You do not consciously get angry. You unconsciously get angry and you consciously realize you are angry. But when you do START to feel bad, you don't realize it, that's why it seems out of your control, because you're not aware of the moment it starts to develop. If you throw a ball, once it is out of your hand, you cannot change it's trajectory. So the best way to control the way you feel is to see where and when it starts. You have to witness the creation of the feeling. And this is what takes some effort on your side...
How to Witness the Creation of the Feeling
Become VERY AWARE of your thoughts and feelings at that moment when something happens that would usually make you feel bad. As soon as your internet connection drops, instead of going with the flow and getting angry, become very conscious about that moment and start to analyze it. It could be something like this:
"God damn it! It fu.... Wait! Hmm... I almost started to get angry again. OK... I'm calm now! Hmm... it doesn't even seem like a good reason to get angry. I mean why? I can't do anything about it, I'll just wait until the internet works again. Well... that's all. Hey.. it's so much better to be calm :D"
Interrupting the Process of Feeling Bad
The first few times when you do this, it will be a real war between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind. You have to make your conscious win over your subconscious. And that's what all that effort is about. Your subconscious will start to run all the autopilot programs it has for that situation. It will make you say things, think things, do things and feel things unless you INTERRUPT that whole process. And if you don't do it fast and you already started to feel angry / depressed / frustrated it will be even harder to change that... it may even feel impossible if it goes past a certain point. So, I repeat: you have to INTERRUPT the subconscious process and TAKE OVER the whole situation with your conscious mind. There's a reason why the conscious mind is called the objective mind. It is objective! It does not feel good or bad about stuff.
So, to summarize the whole process, it goes like this:
- A situation that usually makes you feel bad comes up
- The subconscious starts to run the programs for that situation
- You become AWARE of what happens and you start to take over
- You become VERY AWARE of everything that is happening in your mind and with your feelings and you totally take over the whole process, coming out of that autopilot and interrupting the subconscious process
- You avoid the negative feeling
- You won the war!
- In the long run it will become a habit and you'll become immune to that situation. It will simply not affect you anymore. Your subconscious will be programmed to react differently.
If you forget everything else just remember: BE AWARE of the situation you're in and analyze every little aspect about it. With a bit of practice you will master this and you will know how to avoid feeling bad.
It is a great thing to know how to do. I will be very happy for every person that succeeds with this method because it makes life so much much much better!
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